I turned forty this week. My feelings on the matter are somewhere along the lines of “Wow, would you look at that!?”
As a child, 40 was an immense age, how could I ever live that long? What would I do with all that time? As a depressed and overly sensitive teenager I was sure that it wouldn’t be worth reaching 40. How could I stand to exist that long? As a young adult and throughout my 20′s I just didn’t care about more than whatever made me happy at that moment. 40 was an insignificant, uninteresting concept. In my 30′s I started to imagine what being ‘old’ would be like. I’d made it this far, what if I made it all the way to (whatever age seemed ‘old’ to me at the time). I worried about it.
I could go into some sort of short version of a life story here to explain these phases, but that’s not what I want to talk about here. This will be more of a status report.
Physically
I am morbidly obese. I have been morbidly obese on and off throughout my life. Since moving to South Carolina in 2007 from Alaska, which had been the only place I lived before then, I have lost 60 pounds. Unfortunately, I have only managed to keep off 30 of those pounds. My diet is not too much of a problem, I don’t snack on junk, don’t eat fast food, eat pasta or bread rarely and when I do it’s whole wheat, and don’t hardly eat any sugar anymore, I just need to work on portion control. For the past 2 months I have been getting up half an hour earlier to exercise before work. I have tried many things, but the one I enjoy the most is watching ridiculous television shows while using my Gazelle Freestyle. Currently, I am watching half an hour of “Weeds” every morning.
At my last physical I got an almost clean bill of health. My blood pressure was a little high, but not by much. 124/83. My doctor wants to keep an eye on it, but not start me on any medication at this time. After last year’s scare with cervical dysplasia (ultimately leading to them finding nothing wrong), this seems like no big deal.
I have osteoarthritis in my knees from being morbidly obese, and I’m sure my genetics didn’t help. My knees click quite musically, especially when I go down stairs. I have some pain in them, but the worst part is the feeling that my knees don’t want to support my weight.
I am occasionally afflicted by vertigo caused by Meniere’s Disease. Cutting out caffeine and lowering my salt intake and taking Antivert regularly has helped a lot. Still, my ears ring and I’ve lost about 50% hearing in my left ear. But heck, if it’s worth hearing it’s worth leaning towards and saying, “What!?” a lot.
I still have long blonde hair (though not as long as it used to be since donating to Locks of Love last year) with no grey in it that I’ve found. It is perhaps not as thick as it used to be, but not too thin either. I think it’s a few shades lighter since moving to South Carolina.
My eyesight is still bad, but it has slowed the rate at which it’s getting worse. My eye prescription hasn’t changed much in the past 5 years. No bifocals yet!
I still get the occasional blemish on my face. I’ve never had much luck with maintaining a skin care regimen. Mostly because I hate using products that dry my skin out. To me, flakey skin is more annoying than the occasional zit.
Mentally
I am honestly probably the happiest I’ve been in my adult life. I could list all sorts of reasons why, but the bottom line is that I’ve come to accept myself. I am who I am. Flaws, fat, blindness, deafness, blemishes and all. Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t think there’s room for improvement, because there is. Lots! I just don’t think less of myself for admitting that.
I am still awfully scatterbrained… and not so much in an absentminded sort of way, but more in that I get distracted from things easily and have way too many unstarted and unfinished projects.
I still love to be creative and get great joy making things. Any things… it doesn’t matter what kind of crafty thing it is, I probably have or want to do it!
Spiritually
I’m still undecided. I have all the same questions with no new answers. I am not religious, and I’m not atheist and not agnostic. If I had to be categorized I’d say I’m somewhere between agnostic and atheist. I spent many years studying different religions and couldn’t find one that fits. I no longer stress over the subject though.
In Love
My husband Kirk, best partner in crime; friends, I know how to pick ‘em; family, crazy bunch of lovable loons and I wouldn’t trade a single one of them in for less than 6 figures.
So where does that leave me at 40? I’d like to think I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been overall… not in the details perhaps, but in the big picture. So, now I get serious on the details! But not too serious. Life is funny and I plan to enjoy that aspect of it as long as I can!
40? Pshaw!
